We all love our two-legged friends; when they ask us for treats, who can help but give in? But it can be a hassle remembering which treats are safe and which are off-limits. If you are anything like us, every time our pet looks at us with those puppy-dog eyes, we reach for our ad-supported voice recognition device to ask “Is it safe to feed my human grapes?” But it turns out that most food that we can eat are safe for humans too!
Photo by THABANG MADNSELA on Unsplash
So instead of asking every time if your human CAN eat something, just remember this short list of things your human CANNOT eat.
Bleach
Although bleach is a great way to clean those hard to reach places (like between your joints) bleach does scary things to your human’s delicate inside parts. We’ve begun to use those little bleach towlette things you can get at the Krogers instead, because when they eat those, they tend to just get diarrhea instead of vomiting blood.
Hot Peppers
(If your human is from the Midwest).
While humans from most places can handle their shit when it comes to spicy foods, humans from the Midwestern United States can have VERY severe reactions if you feed them anything spicier than a bell pepper. We gave our human from Michigan a single jalapeño last week, and they immediately started sweating, breathing heavy, and just generally making way too big a deal about it. Would not recommend.
Other Humans
When your human passes away, it’s natural to think of feeding its lifeless husk to the new human you bring home from the human mill. But it turns out that’s not a great idea. Something about the way that the human body digests human flesh releases pheromones that other humans use as a marker that your pet should be shunned by society. So if you don’t want your human to be a pariah who’s super sad all the time, don’t feed them another human.
Not to mention that if your human eats a human brain, they can easily transmit fatal diseases!